You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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