My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
