I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize