Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
