Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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