Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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