So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
