Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
