Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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