i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The Olympian is in my bed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
