whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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