Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
