i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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