epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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