I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
