a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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