Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
