I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
