so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
