please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
