if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She's the barista slut.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
