I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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