Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize