"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
