so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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