omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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