then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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