Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
