Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
