I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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