Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
