They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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