There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
