Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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