My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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