just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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