Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
