Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I did not marry a roomba.
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