she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
