you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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