and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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