You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
