she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
