Sry I called you an 8
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
