Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
