Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
