please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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