My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
