I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i think my cat just said my name.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
