yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
