ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
