My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
