So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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