i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
