Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
