Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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