that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
