i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is Oprah even human
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
