he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
