WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
