Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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