Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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