I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm bleeding and have questions
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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