I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
