BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My bed smells like the plague
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