I think I won the penis lottery.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
