Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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