You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
