he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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