Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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