i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
