Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize