does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
