I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
