Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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