Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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