The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
