My sheets look like a crime scene.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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