mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize